i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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