I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
