you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
