The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
