I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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