Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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