Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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