I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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