I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
