i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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