where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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