bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
