did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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