Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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