I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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