hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
