I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
