What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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