youre lurking in front of me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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