i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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