girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
