I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
