We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
