glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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