Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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