Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
