please come you make the beer taste better
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
