So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
