If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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