I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
