Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
