Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
