Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
