I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
