so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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