ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
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Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize