He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
