The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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