There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
