just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We smell like vodka and hangover
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
