Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
