I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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