So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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