So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
