I can text with my tongue
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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