Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
