i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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