you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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