I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
