I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
