Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
