He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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