oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
