I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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