I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
