Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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