I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
