K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
