Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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