He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
