youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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