if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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