guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
