Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
