Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
