Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
