my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
