So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
