i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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