It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
