that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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