They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
