Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I did not marry a roomba.
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