mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
