so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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