i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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